


In another life

by infallibledreamers (shiningangelmel)



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-03 11:37:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4099579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiningangelmel/pseuds/infallibledreamers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where the consequence of knowing is the biggest burden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first ever Westallen and my first non-Kpop fic. Hope you all enjoy, the story isn’t just about Iris and Barry getting together though… you’ll see in upcoming chapters. Also titles are hard... Hope you enjoy and feel free to leave feedback.

After everything that's happened, it's hard for Barry to believe that Iris was kissing him. 

After years of wanting her, missing his timing each and every time, he would never have believed it. And although he guessed somewhere along the way, Iris had probably felt something towards him, the last year had put a lot of strain and confusion on their friendship. Barry understood that Iris needed time to grieve Eddie’s death and he had given it to her, just being a friend that she needed most through that time. Barry had almost given up on the idea of anything ever happening with Iris. 

It happened, however, the day Barry's arm got shot by the Captain Cold's gun, all he felt was a constant numbness that he knew would eventually go away but Caitlin and Cisco were worrying about its slow rate of healing. Iris runs in scared and clutching her phone and the rest quickly dispersing left them alone. Iris was staring at him, eyes glossy and clothes unkempt from rushing over and Barry was expecting her to be angry at his rash actions. What he wasn't expecting was her to put his hand on the left side of his chest just over his heart where the cold had partially reached, "thank god it's still beating." And he brightens, no longer dreading her anger. She can't believe her actions when her gaze falls on Barry's awkward smile and she closes the distance between their lips.

The distance between themselves, caused partially by the guilt that was eating at Barry and Iris own grieving, felt non-existent in that moment. Barry wrapping his free arm around her waist pulls her closer. She pulls back from the kiss but not from his hold, punching his uninjured arm.  
"What were you thinking?"  
"Oww" Barry fakes hurt, "I thought he wouldn't shoot me.”  
She hit him again playfully, “for someone so smart, you can be pretty dumb sometimes.”

Barry's awkward laugh fills the silence that had fallen in the moment before it returns, both unsure of how to proceed. Barry, however, has just enough feeling in his left hand to notice that her slender fingers were holding on to his, and his dopey grin matches Iris’ as she gives his hand a squeeze.

 

The following weeks were at first confusing for both of them. Iris acts no different to Barry after the kiss than she had ever had. If anything they are back to the way they were before everything happened. And although relieved to get their friendship back, Barry struggles to bring it up every time Iris subtly touches him, holds his arm or hugs him goodbye.

And if Iris is honest, her feelings for Barry never went away, she just needed time, but not admitting that to him straightaway and both avoiding the topic left their relationship in an unknown stage. 

Until she finally decides to bring it up when she visits Barry at his ‘day job’ with takeout enough for 10 people. 

Barry’s eyes light up when she walks into the csi lab and she guesses its because he’s starving.

Sitting at the small desk, Iris leans in and casually drops it in to their conversation after Barry finishes animatedly talking about his last meta-human case, “ I don’t know about you Bear, but I’d really love to talk about us."  
“What?” Barry nearly chokes on the bite of his burger but he quickly places it on its wrapper before he drops it all over himself.  
Iris taking a tissue dabs the corner of his mouth before she replies, “About that kiss, I know I kissed you and maybe you haven’t realised but I think I probably… actually I know I like you. So it would be great of you Barry Allen to actually respond in someway."  
Barry can’t stop smiling at her words, and he lifts his hand and softly cups her jaw, “you honestly don’t know how happy you’re making me right now.”  
Iris shrugs, “I have some idea."  
And Barry kisses her soft and delicately, nipping her upper lip carefully. And the familiarity of the kiss reminds him of the first kiss he shared with Iris, the one only he knows of, except no impending doom or losing the moment to time, this moment of uninterrupted happiness he hopes lasts forever.

 

Cisco’s excitement is so loud in Barry’s earpiece that he flinches visibly. “Calm down Cisco.”  
“Calm down? That’s the fastest speed yet!” Cisco exclaims into the mic almost spilling his soda.  
“And no extraneous impact on your vitals,” Caitlin adds, just as excited.  
Barry laughs sharing their excitement, “Ok guys, everything done here?”  
“Yup, everyone’s out,” Cisco confirms, knowing exactly what Barry wants to hear, adds, “you’re good to go. Enjoy your date."

 

No matter how many times Barry has gone out with Iris even before they were dating, he's always in awe at how beautiful Iris is and this time was no exception as he's floored by Iris when she opens the door to her apartment, in that low cut red dress, hair in loose curls and putting on some gold earrings.

"You're early." Iris says in surprise before frowning, "Why did you choose today to start being early?”  
Barry laughs, “got to make a good impression.”  
It’s Iris turn to laugh, soft and beautiful in his opinion. “After 15 years, you’re worried about a good impression.”

"You look amazing Iris,” Barry says, finally handing her the flowers he’s been holding onto since he arrived.  
“Your not so bad yourself,” she smiles back, impressed by Barry in his dark grey suit, “except your tie is crooked.”  
Barry immediately looks down at his tie in embarrassment and starts to fix it. “Here, let me” Iris places the flowers down on the table and takes the tie from his hands. He tries to hide his smile as she pulls away happy with her handiwork.

“Lets go then, I’ll just grab my purse.”

Both Barry and Iris are nervous, Barry knocks into the waiter when they were being shown their table and nearly topples the guy over, he profusely apologises before Iris puts a hand on his arm, telling him its ok. The rest of their date is perfect, as soon as the nervousness dissipates, Barry and Iris fall naturally into the rhythm they’ve always had.

The night nears its end, Barry walks Iris to her apartment door. “I would have invite you to my place, but maybe having you’re dad there would put a damper on things.” 

And Iris laughs and pushes Barry lightly, “how are you so sure you’ll be invited in?”  
“Umm…” he rubs the back of his neck, and was about to reply when Irises pulls him towards him and kisses him, it differs from the last, more fervent and passionate, she playfully bites his lip before leaning back.  
Iris smirks and shrugs Barry’s coat off her shoulders and leaves Barry holding on to it standing there in confusion, she turns back after unlocking her door, “Well are you coming?"

 

Cisco was adamant that they need to check how fast Barry had become. And since they had a relatively meta-human free week and Barry’s speed only seemed to be increasing, it was a good a day as any. So there they were, down at the track. No one was in the mood to use the particle accelerator especially after the events that took place there, and Barry was more than happy to run in the open air.

“Ok man,” Cisco pulls out his stopwatch. “you ready?"  
Barry and Caitlin both lift an eyebrow at Cisco’s old school gadget but both let it go as Caitlin checks at the computers they have set up on the track. Barry nods in confirmation and gets ready to go.

“Go!” Barry heads off at full speed.  
He could hear Cisco’s cheers and Caitlin’s encouragement in his earpiece as he lapped them once, and again and again, until abruptly it stopped and all he could hear was the sound of wind as he zipped through the air.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Things tend to create an infinite loop in every timeline where certain events are definite moments, changing them could have worse outcomes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Sailor Moon, I’ll be impressed if people know which part. Sorry in advance for the lack of Iris in this chapter, she will definitely be more prominent in the coming chapters.

He came to an abrupt stop. No longer on the track, probably outside of the Central City itself considering the dusty highway, Barry speaks into his inbuilt mic, “Guys you there?” No reply. He sighs out of both frustration and confusion, his eyes dart back and forth down the road trying to orientate himself. He remembers the highway as the one from Starling to Central City, but with just dust and stray bushes, it unidentifiable which direction Central City is in. Most likely the city was in the direction he was running from, so Barry takes off deciding to turn around later if he somehow goes the wrong way.

Barry makes it to Central City in less than a minute and runs towards to the track without hesitation. Its desolate and closed off and after another round which he knows is pointless, and no sign of Caitlin or Cisco. Silence in his earpiece is frustrating to no end, and he remembers this feeling when he went back the first time accidentally. He wonders how far he’s gone this time, and hopes it was just a day. There’s so much the last week even as far as the last month that he’d rather not have erased.

Running aimlessly without knowing exactly what day he was in seemed incredibly counterproductive. Without making any assumptions, checking in at STAR Labs seemed like the most viable option at the moment.

The large round building looms ahead, and Barry slows to a stop at the gates, which were never usually locked but this time surprisingly was. The padlock shook violently in his hand till it snapped. Impressed that it worked, Barry made his way into the building, it was eerily silent, no power or sign of life in the entire building. He finally abandons the Lab.

 

He knocks swiftly on the door, the voice inside is muffled but Barry makes out the word "coming." A moment later it swings open.

"Barry!" Cisco exclaims, "you're back!"

Barry grins wide at his friend, "love what you're doing with that." He indicates to Cisco's growing facial hair.

"Wait, your not you?" Cisco thinks for second looking him up and down, "at least not the you from our time."

"Yeah..." Barry sheepishly rubs the back of his neck.

"Future or past?" Cisco asks in excitement before interrupting himself, "wait wait, let me guess! Past, you're looking more baby-faced than usual."

"Yeah I think so, I ran through the city and the construction is finally over on the subway track on 3rd,” Barry remembers that they started that five years ago and were no where near completion just yesterday, "what year is this?"

"2024," Cisco answers hesitant, unsure what's safe to tell him.

 

Barry changes into an old Star labs sweatshirt and track pants that Cisco gives him and flops onto his couch as they both think of ways to get Barry back to his own time, “So what have you come up with?”

"Honestly?” Cisco asks, “nothing.”

He scoffs amused, they’ve been thinking up plans for almost an hour now and nothing seemed even remotely plausible. Barry at one stage suggests the particle accelerator but neither wants another singularity to occur. Even if they wanted to Cisco’s hesitation suggests that Star Labs was off limits. When he asked about Caitlin, he completely avoided the topic and started talking about how awesome all the technology they had now was. But other than technology, which Cisco was completely proud to talk about, there was a strong reluctance to mention anything about the future, so Barry didn’t pry.

“I don’t know if I should tell you this," Cisco cautiously mentions, "messing with the whole space time continuum and all, but our Flash has been able to access the speedforce, without colliding with a particle."

“Wow, really?”

“You need to work on getting faster” Cisco starts to explain, “your speed eight years ago is no where near as fast as you were in this time.” Barry doesn’t miss the past tense, another one of the things Cisco won’t clarify, "you must have reached those speeds somehow back then. What happened when you were running?”

“I don’t know, I was just running, trying to reach my fastest speeds.” he thought hard about what was probably only half a day ago but now felt like years, “just running and thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

Barry’s ears blush and he brushes off the question, “I don’t know, just things.” He knows that he was thinking about Iris when he ran, he thinks about her a lot actually, but he won’t admit that.

“You need to find some way to run like that again.”

Barry’s thoughts immediately went back to Iris. Maybe it was just that easy, Barry grins, “Ok I’ll try my best."

Thinking about Iris, he couldn’t help but entertain the possibility that maybe he could see her in this timeline. Talk to her for a moment, it wouldn’t change things he convinces himself, probably help his problem. “There’s just something I want to do first."

 

A young couple lives in Iris’ apartment, Barry discovers. He apologises profusely to the confused woman who drops the plate she was holding, for turning up inside their living room, he was hoping to surprise Iris. She says that Iris moved back home years ago, as he’s thrown out of they're house in the nicest way possible. Barry waits till she slams her door before speeding off again.

 

When the familiar door opens, Barry is more than a little surprised.

A little girl probably not yet even in school was hanging onto the door knob. She stares up at him and tilts her head. Barry gives an unsure smile and leans down to her level, making his height seem much less intimidating, "umm... hello?"

"Hello," the girl replies a sudden smile spreading to her face.  
He stands up straight again puts his hands on the back of his neck a little tired of searching like this. "Guess they're not here either," he mumbles.  
"Whose not?" Curiosity evident in her face, "I'm not supposed to be, I should be at kindy, but grandpa said I didn't have to go today." She grins up at him after she's done rambling and he smiles back at the adorable kid.

"You look just like daddy." Staring inquisitively at his smile.  
"Oh yeah" he laughed a little self-consciously, a unidentifiable nervousness arising from her comment, "who's your dad?"  
"Barry Allen," she states proudly before pulling him through the front door, "see he's here!" Barry's lets himself be lead by the excited child to the small table by the stairs and follows her hand to the picture she's pointing at. He stands stunned by the picture, it's himself with a soft smile, staring lovingly at Iris whose arms are draped around his neck. He assumes their dancing, but what strikes him more is that she's in a wedding dress. She looks absolutely beautiful and she looking into Barry’s eyes just as lovingly.

His eyes drop down to the kid. Almond shaped green eyes, caramel skin, and curly dark hair, he suddenly feels a strong sense of familiarity with the child.

"What did I say about opening the door for strangers," a voice interrupts his racing thoughts.

"Joe." He says out loud.  
"Barry," Joe stops in his tracks in the doorway "what are you doing here?"  
Barry notices by his tone that Joe isn't entirely happy to see him. "Well..." He momentarily wonders if he should say anything, "I just wanted to know how you and Iris were doing.”

Barry looks from Joe to the child whose still teetering around Joe’s leg, a strong possibility it's his daughter makes him break out in to a grin. Joe picks her up, “Dawn, darling why don’t you go finish the waffles I made you?” Dawn, a name that he can see see Iris and himself naming their daughter. He unconsciously smiles watching her run off towards the kitchen before Joe speaks again, “You’re not from this timeline?”

“Is it that obvious?” Barry wonders how people can tell the difference, has he aged a lot in 8 years, he unconsciously reaches to his face wondering how he’d look if he had grown a beard like Cisco.  
“Not a lot,” Joe looks at Barry, nothing strikingly obvious in his appearance, “just little things. How did you end up here?”  
“I don’t know exactly,” Barry admits, “Just kind of happened I guess, we've figured out a way to get me back though.”

Joe from spending all this time with Barry from the time he became the Flash knew enough about timelines to know that Barry shouldn't mess with one, "Maybe you should go back to your time then, the future isn't knowledge for you to have."

Barry understood that, he's heard it a lot now, but he found it very hard to control his curiosity. He was sure he wasn't going to or even want to change the future where he finally had a beautiful family of his own with Iris. “Is Iris doing well?"

Joe speaks authoritatively, a trait Barry remembers even when he was young, but this time it not just authority in his voice but also anger and warning as he walked to the door and held it open, “I said you should go.” He knew this Barry didn’t deserve his anger but it was hard for him to control it.

Barry is taken back but doesn't make any attempt to leave. He frowns at the blatant avoidance of the question, “Joe…” He could sense something was wrong, and he knew he shouldn’t know but every part of him wants to, “Is Iris alright?"

 

Barry's legs give way as soon as reaches Cisco's place, he falls against the wall and slides down to the floor, tears he's been holding back start to form.

Cisco sighs as he sees Barry crouched on the floor, palms on his temples as he cries, he had warned him not to go, but Barry wasn’t listening. He sullenly asks what he fears, "did you find out?"

"She wrote the article." Barry remembers the newspaper written for 2024, "we're supposed to be married, she's supposed to be alive."  
"Well you did get married, if thats any better?" Cisco attempt to lighten his mood fails, "nope, probably not.” He sighs, never great in situations where he had to give comfort. He almost drops down to give Barry a hearty pat on the back and say ’there there.’

"How could you not tell me!" Barry's sadness manifests as anger at Cisco, who flinches as Barry stands up and shouts at him. To control his anger he turns around with his hands on his head.  
"It's not really my place to tell you, neither is it yours to know." Cisco says calmly, "the rules of every time travel movie ever made.”

“What happened?!” He spins back around and desperately insists. Whoever informed him about Iris’ death hadn’t told him how, Cisco knew he shouldn’t either.

“Look I’m serious Barry, knowing is a biggest burden.” Cisco tries to explain rationally, “ Even if you know and you try and change things, you can’t, you found that out with your mother remember. Things tend to create an infinite loop in every timeline where certain events are definite moments, changing them could have worse outcomes.”

“I don’t care!” Barry shouts hand dropping from his side, and his fist clenches in frustration , “I can at least try to stop it, I need to!”  
Cisco wavers, he knew already, maybe telling him would not be such a bad thing, “Iris had to choose Barry, her or the Flash, it wasn’t a choice for her, she knew she’d pick you.”

Barry processes silently, he would always sacrifice himself to save Iris, but he never imagined that Iris would be the do that instead to protect him. Immense guilt and anger start to replace the overwhelming sense of grief, but most of all determination to stop it.

“Who was it?” he asks desperately, he could stop them before they even considered harming Iris.  
“Thats the thing Barry, we haven’t figured it out,” Cisco sadly admits, “There's a multitude of villains all of which know your identity, present you, the Flash, he’s gone. He's chasing every possible lead throughout the timelines.”

Finally understanding Joe’s anger at him, not only for being to blame for Iris’ death but also for abandoning their child who now had neither parents. He was a horrible father. Every option he had this life seemed like wrong, Iris being gone was wrong. Everything had turned out wrong.

A thought hits him

“What if I know a way to stop it?” he breaks the silence, and determined he changes into his suit, “But I need to get back first.”

 

“Ok,” Cisco says, “Concentrate and run."  
Barry is already off before Cisco finishes speaking. He thinks of that beautiful child, Dawn, how she ended up losing both parents, he hopes that even in throughout the rest of this timeline she’ll grow up happy, maybe compassionate and stubborn like her mother. He thinks of Iris, her smile, laugh, her kind eyes, everything he loves about her, he concentrates and closes his eyes not worried about the bend coming up in the road ahead.

He stops, the stopwatch clicks, “Damn, I missed it.” Cisco declares.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything about this place had to do with Iris and he regretted replying to her text to meet her here today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long. I’ve had exams but now those are finally over...

"Yes!" Cisco exclaims as he ditches the stopwatch and instead checks the times on the laptop. Caitlin nudges him and looks at Barry who remains on the track.

"Barry, are you alright?" Caitlin says as they approach who looks utterly worn out, no longer wearing the smile he had was a moment ago.

Barry huffs and doesn't respond.

"You actually disappeared for a second there," Caitlin was perceptive, "no lightening trace and your vitals read error."

He almost tells them then. But he knows he can't share this with them so instead he sighs and puts a fake smile and lies, "probably just running too fast for the naked eye."

Both look at skeptically at each other as Barry shrugs, unsure of what had exactly happened.

 

Barry stomach drops as he turns the key and enters his house. He imagines the little girl at the door and Joe being angry at him. But as he enters only silence greets him, he doesn't know what he was expecting. He sighs and flops down on the couch, utterly exhausted, both mentally and physically.

The door opens again and Barry turns to see Joe enter.

"Hey Barry," he greets as he walks in and drops his leather case next to the couch, "I learnt some interesting news today."

Joe comes around and sits next to Barry. "Oh... What?" He curiously asks.

"You and Iris are dating?" He laughs, "you could've told me! How long has it been."

"A couple of weeks," Barry's embarrassed and he holds the back of his neck, "I can't believe we forgot to tell you!"

"That's great Barry!" Joe laughs proudly, "it was about time anyway." 

Barry lack of enthusiasm doesn't go unnoticed, Joe pats him on the back, "why don't you seem happy?"

"Joe, would you hate me?" He changes the topic, evasive of talking about Iris any longer at the fear Joe will notice his bleak thoughts.

"For dating Iris?" Joe asks in confusion, "no never. Break her heart and that's another story."

Barry swallows the lump in his throat. "No I mean in the future."

"Why are you worried about the future Barry?" Joe replies, "but no I don't think I can ever hate you, you're like a son to me."

Barry nods, absent and despondent. His worries still weighing heavily on mind.

 

He lingers outside the entrance to Jitters. This had always been their spot. Even before he was struck by lightening, the times he's sat with her in on the back booth as she studied and complained about the difficulty of her Journalism degree or catching up after long tedious days. When she got a job there, it somehow became Barry's favourite place to go, claiming it was only because it had the best coffee in town. When he woke up from his coma, it was the first place he went. Where he met Iris many times over as the Flash and as Barry. Everything about this place had to do with Iris and he regretted replying to her text to meet her here today.

He can see Iris, her laptop open, occasionally she takes a sip of her coffee before picking up the pen and jotting down notes. He's there for almost five minutes having an internal breakdown before he finally convinces himself just to go in, how can he face danger everyday if he was actually a coward when it came to Iris. He takes a deep breath and fixes his blazer he walks in, the bell dings as he does and Iris looks up and meets his eyes.

She closes her laptop and beams at Barry as he approaches.

"Sorry about bringing work," Iris almost bounces in her seat, "but guess what?"

"I get to write cover a huge story," she grins like a Cheshire Cat, "under the fold material if I do a good job."

The corners of his mouth lift into a small smile, "congratulations Iris, that's amazing." Although he means it, he's proud of her and knows she deserves it, it requires effort to keep smiling.

Iris notices his face falter and can intuitively tell something is wrong, "Hey Barry is something wrong?" She reaches out and places her hand on his and its makes everything that much harder. He looks down at her hands and then closes his eyes, eyelashes grazing the tops of his cheeks as he inhales deeply.

“Iris…” he looks her in the eyes as he tries to begin but it catches on his throat, "maybe we should go back..." 

"Barry, you're not making sense." She interrupts and eyes him skeptically. Iris looks Barry in the eyes who is quick to avoid her gaze and returns down at the table. 

"Go back to being just friends." He finishes his original sentence, "There's part of me that's always known that maybe it was just circumstance that made me think I was in love you, a boy and girl living together, it felt inevitable. Now that we given it a chance..."

"Seriously Barry, where's all this coming from?" Iris in hurt and confusion let go of his hand.

"Iris I'm so sorry," Barry wants to reach out and tell her it wasn't true, that being just friends was an impossibility for him, but got up to leave instead, "I have to get back to work." 

Iris was holding back tears, but when he left, her silent tears finally fell.

Barry had always leant his shoulder for her to cry on, but being the one that caused it he knew he couldn't just hug her and tell her it would be alright like usual.

 

"Hey Barry," Cisco calls to him as soon as he enters the lab, pen in the corner of his mouth and clipboard in hand. Barry makes his way over and leans against the edge of the table next to Cisco. "Just the man I wanted to see. Just examining the suit. The error reading was present for approximately 300ms which isn't that long but at your speed it would have felt like ages." Barry doesn't understand why Cisco hasn't let that go yet, "I tried to back trace and there was no connection between the suit and our computers at all during that time."

"The suit probably malfunctioned."

"There were no internal errors or previous damage to the suit." Cisco moves away from the suit and takes the pen out of his mouth to record his findings on his clipboard.

"The connection was probably just lost then." Barry pinched the top of his nose in frustration.

"Are you sure 'cause..."

"Everything isn't about your technology!" Barry shouts, "even if the stupid suit works, it can't stop other people from getting hurt or worse dying."

Barry storms out leaving a stunned Cisco and pushes past Caitlin who just arrived. He goes to the corner of the building floor and drops down on the stairs.

Someone approaches his hunched brooding figure

"Barry, you're not the type to go off at Cisco like that?" Caitlin asks patting his shoulder in comfort as she takes a seat next to him.

"I'm sorry." He sighs, "can you apologise to Cisco for me?"

"I think he knows you don't mean it." She smiles sympathetically at him. "You've been down for a while now. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he tries to deny it but Caitlin's face show that she obviously doesn't believe him, "everything."

 

After cooling down, Barry tells Caitlin and Cisco together, "so you went to the future?" Cisco asks taking it all in, "thanks for keeping us in the loop."

"Hey," Caitlin interjects, "at least he's telling us now."

"I'm sorry," Barry apologises, "I didn't think telling you about the future was a wise choice. I didn't want to mess with anything." He didn't want to tell them that he was being a hypocrite trying to change that future himself.

"You don't have to tell us anything important!" Cisco threw his arms, "I just want to know did I keep my good looks."

Barry chuckles, it's been a while since he'd laughed, "well you were growing out a small beard."

Cisco strokes his non existent beard, "aw man, I would love to see what I looked like."

"I for one don't want to anything about my future," Caitlin chimes in, Barry nods approvingly and also doesn't have the heart to tell her he knew nothing to share anyway. "Is that what's had you so depressed the last couple of weeks?"

He's almost inclined to tell them yes and they'll let it go, but he tired of lying and keeping everything bottled up by himself, "I broke up with Iris."

"What?" Cisco exclaims. "You serious? Why?"

Caitlin puts it together and although she said she'd rather not know she asks anyway, "was there something in the future that made you do that?" 

Barry sighs and ends up telling them the whole truth. He felt a bit better after having shared it with someone else. They both look at him sympathetically after listening.

"Are you sure breaking up with the her is the right thing though?" Caitlin finally asks.

Barry shrugs, "I don't know, it feels like my only option."

"Maybe you could tell her," Caitlin suggests, "you should give her a little more credit and trust her on this."

"It won't make a difference," Barry whines, "as long as we're together, the more chance that future will come to play out."

"Then we'll just have to neutralise the threat before anything happens," Cisco remains positive, "even if we don't know who it is we'll do our best every single time."

"I think we all can handle that," Caitlin grins at Cisco and then at Barry.

"Thanks guys," Barry gives a tight lipped smile just as his phone dings, a message from Iris. "There's somewhere I need to be." He runs out.

 

Barry's meets Iris on the rooftop, he's races over but slows down as he sees her waiting against the edge looking at the city. He smooths down the clothes he's wearing. "You wanted to meet?" He calls out grabbing her attention and he notices the small smile that grazes her lip as she pushes of the balcony and walks toward him.

"I sent you that less than a minute ago. I actually have something important to tell you" Iris doesn't hint at any anger or sadness towards him and he doesn't know what to think about that. 

"I'm fast if you haven't noticed," Barry smiles sincerely, "go ahead."

"You know that article I was writing?"

Barry nods, surprised this was what she wanted to talk about.

She continues, "well I was investigating spontaneous heart attacks that occurred to three people and another died of asphyxiation in the last week all after visiting this club, Adrenaline. At first it seemed like some illicit drug may be the cause, the drug and narcotics sector is working on it through that theory," Iris pauses as she lets Barry take it in, he's a little annoyed that Drug and Narcotics didn't call in CSI on this, "but I did some digging and the buzz is that there's a guy that can give people a high by just touch. Don't you think that's a little meta human like?"

After listening intently, Barry did find it plausible, "maybe it's nothing." He knows he's going check it out as the Flash and hopes Iris lets it go.

The corner of her lip quirks, "I can tell when you're lying Barry," he sense that Iris isn't just referring to right now, "It would be a lot easier for you if you were wearing your mask right now."

Barry blinks unsure of what to say. "I'll deal with it, Iris." He finally responds, "just stay clear from it."

Dissatisfied Iris rolls her eyes.

"I mean it Iris!" Barry all but yells, he doesn't care how mad Iris gets at him, all he needs is her to be safe.

"Sorry Barry, buts it's my story too," she reminds him, "I'm just giving you a heads up." Iris decides to leave before she intensifies the argument that had somehow risen.

As Iris walks past him towards the door to the rooftop, Barry grabs her wrist not too tight but enough to make Iris spin around, "please don't," he whispers to her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry can't keep lying to Iris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of hit a block with this story because breakups for protecting someone else usually annoy me all the time, but that’s what I ended up writing *awkward laugh*. This chapter is short but I’ll still end this story in five chapters, my next one may be longer. Hope you guys like it.

She pulls her hand from his grasp, "You expect me to blindly listen to everything you tell me."

"Iris..." He starts but doesn't know how to finish.

"You're still lying to me," Iris was mad, it wasn't difficult for him by the way she spat those words at him, her tone calmed, "after everything...you could just tell me the truth and trust me." 

Iris knew, Barry realises, she may not know why or what exactly is the truth but she knows Barry too well to know when he's withholding the truth. 

His eyes downcast, Barry ponders what would happen if he did tell her the truth, would it change anything? 

Iris waits, she doesn't even know for what, just stares at Barry until she finally decides he's not going to say anything. She walks away. He lets her.

 

"Okay!" Cisco announces, "Adrenaline! Even the club name is appropriate! The last two autopsies revealed very high amounts of noradrenaline in their system."

"Both heart attacks and constrict the airways are possible it's just what occurs first that cause fatality." Caitlin adds, "Are you sure they are meta human though?"

"Iris mentioned rumours about a guy whose can give a high just by touch." Cisco lifts his eyebrows at the mention of Iris, Barry ignores him and continues, "there was also no other drugs in the system of any of the victims."

"Actually," Cisco pulls up an image on the screen behind and Caitlin and Barry turn to watch, "she could be right about that, this is CCTV footage from the club." It seems normal Barry assumes until a small detail catches his eye, initially it seems as if the bartender is passing the victim a drink but grabs his wrist for 3 seconds before letting go. "Only noticed it after you said the tactile aspect but this could be our guy."

 

It was easy for Barry, just another day as the Flash. He caught the guy during the day before the bar can even open. 

The moment he grabs his wrist, he feels a tight feeling in his chest and his hands let go of him as they clasp his neck, feeling as if he was being choked. 

But it's quick to disappear when 'Adrenaline' as Cisco nicknamed loses contact with Barry. A smirk falls on his lip and in a flash, as his heart rate returns to normal, he brings down the guy with a shot of highly concentrated atropine.

This part isn't so hard he thinks to himself.

 

The hard part was coming home, Joe and him hadn't spoken in days about something other than work. Barry wasn't even sure if he knew they had broken up. It had become distant and he couldn't tell if it was on his part or not. 

Joe's on his way out throwing on a jacket at the front door steps, "small case down at the department." Before Barry can ask whether he's needed, Joe's already can tell he's worn out, "no need for any extra assistance," he says patting his arm and giving him a small smile, "someone's actually waiting for you inside." He heads off and Barry finally enters.

It's the first time since they broke up that Iris is at the house when Barry gets in. He can't tell if it was the lingering effects from the meta human but his heart flips, but he keeps it in and greets her with a soft smile and a hello, trying his best make her feel comfortable in what they both still considered home. Even if they weren't together, Barry would never take that away from her.

"Hey," she quietly says when Barry walks over, "did you catch him?"

"Yeah we did." He feels apologetic knowing it was Iris' big story. He slowly sits down next to her on the couch, "What are you going to write about it?"

They both curl up comfortably however keeping their distance, shoulders barely brushing, "Nothing, I can't exactly say the he's been caught and held in a specialised prison for meta humans, can I?"

"I'm sorry Iris."

Iris simply shrugs, "I knew when I was telling you I'd be sacrificing my story to the Flash."

Barry knew that wasn't the only thing he was apologising for. 

"Iris... I did lie." Barry interrupts the silence and Iris head tilts in curiosity at the sudden confession, "although I wanted this, you don't deserve that." She allows him to continue without interrupting and Barry takes a moment, "although I told you I only thought I was in love with you and maybe never was, that was wrong." He pauses he had convinced himself after days that he wanted Iris to at least know this," I do truly love you Iris but I can't be with you. I'm not going to lie to you but there are some things I don't think I can tell you."

Barry heard a sharp exhale as Iris finished taking it all in, she doesn't talk about their relationship, "You're right I don't deserve your lies. What I deserve is for you to actually tell me what's going on?"

It was Barry's turn to groan in frustration, "I need you to let this go. It's safer you this way."

Annoyance evident on her face, Iris closes her eyes. It feels as if they were going around in circles. "I don't need you to protect me Barry Allen, I'm more than capable of doing that for myself."

"I know that," he admits, "I also know that you would protect the people you love first above yourself."

"Of course I would protect those people if I can." She almost whacks his arm for even thinking consider otherwise, "You're one of them and you will probably always be." Iris means it, whether or not they are together, she would always care for him, he was her best friend.

Tears fall from his face and he realises he's crying. Nothing was gained from anything he's done since he came back from the future. All he's done was break both their hearts and no guarantee that the future had changed. Small arms wrap around his shoulders and he lets Iris hug him.

"There's so much that I wish I could change."

"Like what?" 

"Like being able to have a future together with you."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry tells Iris everything.

Barry tells Iris everything. Everything he wanted to tell her since the moment he got back but knew he couldn't, he tells her more than he had told anyone since he'd returned. About how ecstatic he was the moment that Dawn stared up at him with that smile, and about how finding Iris was gone felt like a part of his heart was suddenly ripped out. He hates his future self probably to a degree that matched Joe's hatred towards him. He regrets every decision that's he's made since then but can't seem to find the better option.

And Iris listens, she's angry at first thinking they were past all the lies. But she understands and in the end all she feels is sad for Barry, for everything he's had to know and keep to himself. Iris can't imagine how she would feel if she was presented with a future she could not change.

Barry's a little surprised when he looks up to see that Iris has also begun crying. They sat in silence, side by side both upset and lost in what to say next.

Iris broke the silence first, after wiping her own tears away, her resolve returning, hiding her fear and sadness for his sake, "I don't believe in all that constant loop stuff, the future doesn't have to happen the way you've seen it." She was straightforward that she wanted control over her own life and would not allow anything, not even the future, dictate it. "Remember that theory you explained to me a few years back?"

Barry told her so many things that he doesn't know what theory she is talking about, but it still surprises him that she remembers any of the theories he rambles on about when he's excited, "what theory?"

"Every decision we are faced with the universe splits in to those options. Throughout our lives, we face many different decisions, there's a million possible futures that could have occurred. You told me that Barry." She tries to remind him, not even knowing if she believes what she's saying, but hoping somehow that theory could be true and give Barry some kind of hope, "Do you really want to focus one possible future?"

"When did you get to be an expert on quantum theory?" "I listen," Iris shrugs, "I pick and choose what I like from all that science mumbo jumbo." Barry laughs quietly. Ever since they were little, Iris somehow always knew how to put him at ease. Even if it's just a theory, he wants to believe in it for her sake.

His laughter dissipates and is followed by silence and all either can do is think and wallow in their thoughts. Their fear, their sadness but a small sliver of hope.

"Despite everything though, it must have been a wonderful life for them," she mumbles softly, thinking about an Iris with a beautiful daughter with another Barry. Barry hears but doesn't respond, honestly Iris doesn't want him to. But he can't help but think how wonderful a life with Iris could have been.

Barry looks longingly at Iris. Some part of him just wants to kiss her but another feels like he shouldn't, he can't keep doing this to her, to them. But Iris finally looks up at him after staring into nothingness and he can't help himself.

Their lips meet and its hard to believe that Barry felt that he could live without this again. It slow and mixed with tears, whose neither can tell at the moment.

They break apart with Iris' hand pushing against his chest, Iris looks down before deciding to leave, her mind hazy from the kiss and all the information she's been told today.

"Yeah... Yeah. Ok " Barry stutters and moves back giving her space to leave. "We'll talk later when you're certain. I promise." She assures him, maybe when her head isn't spinning and she's had time to think about it. "Just because your fast, you can't always hastily act putting both our hearts on the line." After trying to explain what she wanted to say, she sighed and left.

Barry's head falls back on the couch in frustration as soon as he hears the door close.

 

"Did you two break up?" Joe brings him a beer when he returns and sits on the arm chair waiting for Barry's response.

He doesn't even know how to answer that question. "I just thought she'd be safer if she wasn't dating the Flash." Joe scoffs, this was what he thought about as soon as Barry became the Flash. If they were ever to finally get together, Iris would be in more danger than ever.

"My only goal in life is to keep Iris safe." Barry nods in understanding feeling completely the same way. "You and I we both care for her, and we tend to put her safety at the expense of her. But as long as you, me and everyone else are looking out for her, I have a feeling she will be fine." But that was the thing, Barry didn't know if she would be.

"My next wish is that she's happy and I think that what's more important to Iris." Joe goes on after another chug of his beer, "And as much as I want her to be safe." He pauses thinking if he has the right to say it after they've broken up, "knowing all the possible dangers of dating the Flash, trust me I've thought about it. But I still think you could make her the happiest, and she shouldn't have to lose that."

 

The uncertainty of their relationship hangs on Barry's mind for days. There's a part of him that thinks maybe it's best that's it over but a larger part and the louder saying that he's an idiot and to let Iris go is the worst decision he could've made. Cisco and Caitlin support the latter, Cisco even blatantly stating that he thinks he's an idiot, but in the nicest way possible he claims.

Unlike the Cisco in the future who'd lost all hope, this one was enthusiastic, positive telling him not to lose hope. Caitlin, he doesn't know what happens her in that future, but isn't worried, she's happy and strong, he hopes that remains the same. They both don't let him lose hope in this timeline, Cisco says there's no reason to when they've already seen that more than one timeline can exist. What he says reminds him a little of what Iris had said and more than ever Barry desperately wants to trust that option.

So he finally decides to.

 

He's there again, like the day he picked her up for their first date. No flowers, no suit, just Barry. She softly smiles and let's him in allowing him to immediately envelope her in a hug. "I don't think I can lose you in any life." His head rests against hers and takes in the fresh scent of shampoo. "I love you Iris." Soft yet certain.

"Hmm..." At first Iris is unsure of how to respond but whispers into his chest, "I love you too Barry."

"I will always protect you Iris, you can't keep blaming me for that," he pulls back but holds onto her shoulders and looks at her lovingly, "but I don't think I can stop thinking about you."

Iris nods in understanding, neither prepared to let the other go, so they don't.

 

Barry is still uncertain about the future but wonders if anyone ever is. He’s had a glimpse but is still lost, when billions of people live their lives never knowing what could happen. Maybe that was the hard part.

 

He holds off proposing for almost three months until Iris finds the ring and questions him on what his plan was, "what were you going to do, wait till 2025 to ask me?" Barry asks her the next day.

 

Joe walks her down the aisle and the moment Barry's eyes lands on her, Barry forgets all his worries. He's can't stop smiling and hopes he doesn't start to cry. Iris' eyes makes contact with his and her lips lift into a soft smile as she looks at Barry in a crisp suit waiting for her at the end of the aisle.

Cisco whoops when they kiss. Many of their closest friends and family are also in attendance including Wally West who had created nothing but trouble for the two but Iris loves him anyway, and even Henry Allen who proudly watches his son finally marry the woman he loves.

Joe is the first to cry at the end of the night which makes Iris do the same as she wipes her daddy's tears. He blames it on the whisky the next time Barry mentions it.

 

When she falls pregnant, Barry frets about it again, that's its occurring too similarly, given the year, and Iris only rolls her eyes and tell him to get his head out of the future and focus on their happiness now.

Barry scoffs when three weeks into the pregnancy, she punches him randomly on the arm, "you can't leave her okay, no matter what happens."

"Nothing will happen to you."

 

"See it's different already." Iris laughs tiredly as Barry takes Dawn from the new mother's arms letting her get some rest.

Barry now holding both the twins leans down carefully and kisses Iris' forehead. He wants to believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final thoughts from the Author: I thought I probably shouldn’t put this in the beginning. I just want to clarify a couple things. I left the future pretty vague save for a few details, because Barry only got a glimpse of the future himself. Even when I was writing the the chapter in the future, I only really let you see what Barry encounters. This was intentional so that the future still remains uncertain, if that makes any sense. This is my first long fic and I realised I had an idea of where I wanted it go but just didn’t know how to get it there so I kept hitting roadblocks, therefore it turned out a little rushed. Next time I want to plan it better. Anyway thank you everyone who stuck with this story no matter how off track I went. Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
